What Does This Button Do?
by Cerberus0225
Summary: A story about Yachiru sneaking into the 12th Division labs and pushing a random button.
1. 1 to 10

What Does This Button Do?

A story about when Yachiru sneaks into the 12th Division and pushes a button.

Introduction

Yachiru sneaked around Mayuri's lab while he was at a Captain's Meeting. She loved coming in here; it was full of fun and shiny things! And blood too! She saw a panel at the back that came loose when she tugged on it. Behind it were more buttons than she ever saw in her life.

"What does this button do?" She reached up to press one...

* * *

1. A mariachi band sprung out of every city corner and multiple toilets, sinks, and the like. Everyone nearby was scared out of their wits, tripping over, screaming, choking on food, running out of the bathroom half-dressed, etc. All the bands played the same exact song, and for a minute all anyone in the Seireiteicould hear was the music they made. They then sprang back into their respective origins, leaving everyone confused and somewhat scared.

* * *

2. A massive death beam sprang out of the roof of the lab, swiveling towards the 11th Division and destroying them in a red beam of energy. It then moved on to the next one, and the next, etc, until it destroyed all the other divisions. It then slid back inside, it's task accomplished.

* * *

3. A candy bar popped out of the wall. Yachiru ate it with a small squeal of joy and pressed the button over and over, getting more candy each time, until she was so hyperactive from sugar she annoyed everyone in the Seireitei to the point of suicide. She then ate more candy.

* * *

4. The sun went out. Every light in the Seireitei was extinguished as the power died. Everyone was left stumbling around in the dark, looking for candles. Whenever anyone tried to make a fire, it went out. Everyone was left in a world of pitch black for eternity.

* * *

5. Guacamole appeared in a small bowl on every table. Everyone eating was surprised, confused, tried some, and content. In that order.

* * *

6. Zombies began to come stumbling out of the lab. Everyone tried to fight the reanimated corpses, but quickly fell, until a band of plucky random people miraculously defied the odds and fought off the evil hordes while answering deep, philosophical questions about morals and the existence of a benevolent god.

* * *

7. Every particle in the universe was replaced with its respective anti-particle, and all energy was substituted with dark energy. Everyone went about their day as normal as this made absolutely no noticeable effect on the world.

* * *

8. Time froze, and everything in existence stayed exactly as it was at the moment of button pushing forever. Or however you would measure time when it has been frozen. Essentially the universe ended.

* * *

9. All the Soul Reaper's swords were replaced with rubber. This caused many soul reapers to die the next time they fought a Hollow, as they didn't notice the difference. Those who did notice had no idea what to do about it. However there was a noticeable decrease in training accidents.

* * *

10. The sky clouded over and random animals fell down like a biblical plague. Many shinigami ran to escape the strange weather. Soifon stayed out to collect the cats. Komamura looked after the dogs and foxes.


	2. 11 to 22

**A.N. Fair warning, most of these are mature. No complaining now. If you have a suggestion, pm me.**

What Does This Button Do? Ch 2

Ikkaku woke the next morning. Getting up and looking at the mirror, it was easy to tell that something was wrong. Namely, he had boobs. Checking his(?) pants, he saw he still had his man-parts. He took a moment to consider what this meant before screaming. Across the Seireitei similar screams were heard as everyone woke up to see their botched gender swap. All except Yachiru, who wondered what her new dangly bits were and why the tube-part felt so stiff.

* * *

Yachiru was sent flying back from a 20,000 volt electric shock generated by the button. However, she shrugged it off, used to getting worse injuries from her daily training, and pressed the button again because she wanted to feel 'tingly' again.

* * *

A pulse traveled from the button, transcending space-time and passing to several other dimensions, dragging beings from there to the center of the Seireitei. As the Death-Gods were summoned, panic spread throughout as the Soul Reapers took in their grotesque appearance. The Death-Gods, many used to being summoned, generally tried to figure out where they were or didn't really care and did whatever they damn pleased. One pale, black-winged one with an eery purple smile stretched over his face flew off to try to find some apples. Another started challenging the closest beings to a limbo contest in a Jamaican accent. Another wandered off looking for curry, while a spectral mouse looked for cheese. A large, translucent God with a knife in his mouth, took out said knife and started coughing until a hitai-ite with a leaf symbol on it came out, along with some blonde hair. The rest sort of just looked for their summoner, eventually finding Yachiru. Within days she was the new queen of the Seireitei, or as she named it, Sparkle-Fluffy-Unicorns-Rainbows-and-Bloody-Fighting-Paradise.

* * *

Every woman in the Seireitei woke the next day to find themselves with a maddeningly insatiable libido, that never went away or lessened no matter what they did. When word spread of the cause, all the men declared Yachiru to be the new god.

* * *

All the men in the Seireitei woke the next day to find themselves with a maddeningly insatiable libido, that never went away or lessened no matter what they did. No one noticed, including the men, as this was quite normal.

* * *

All the plumbing flooded over with alcohol in all of it's glorious forms, from sake to beer to wine to whiskey. The fountains never ceased, and several people, namely Rangiku and the entire 11th Division, spent the rest of eternity drinking, bathing, swimming, and in some cases living in these eternal springs. Needless to say, they were drunk for eternity.

* * *

Somehow, everywhere Yachiru looked, people had gone from speaking the English she knew to speaking Japanese. However, subtitles kept appearing at the bottom of her field of vision in English, so no one noticed the change, and those who noticed that Yachiru was slightly quieter for a few days were simply thankful for it.

* * *

**'Self Destruct Activated'** a robotic monotone rang throughout the lab. From miles away at the Captain's Meeting, they could still feel the explosion. Yachiru then crashed through the ceiling onto their poker table, covered in ash and groaning, before getting up and asking Kenpachi how much he won.

* * *

A few weeks after Yachiru had pressed that button that didn't seem to do anything, all the men were called in for an announcement by Yamamoto. "Men, as you may not know, all of our female members have become pregnant. I do not know how this is possible, as we are technically dead spirits, but they have somehow. There is one problem, though, and that is that they will be due at similar times. As such, we men will have to deliver all of the children, and train to do so. I order everyone with a Y-chromosome to take classes from the 4th Division as they will be teaching us how to deliver children. I expect the best results from you all!" he declared to a stunned audience. As the audience began to realize the horrors that awaited them, he continued. "I also request that everyone prays to their personal god that we come out of this peril unscathed, and with our manhood intact, both literally and metaphorically..."

* * *

A few weeks after Yachiru had pressed that button that didn't seem to do anything, all the men were called in to the 4th Division for a test. As Unohana processed the results of the many tests, she silently thanked Yamamoto for bringing this issue to her attention while she also wondered just how a man _could_ get pregnant, and how _every_ man got pregnant. She also wondered how Yamamoto noticed in the first place, as there should not have been any way for him to guess at what was going on. She gave her results to Yamamoto, who called a meeting for all the men. He opened with "Men, I have some very bad news..."

* * *

Yachiru wandered around the 4th Division after her test with the nice Unohana lady. The nice nurse was now talking with Ken-kun, and she had given her a lollipop. She felt kind of sick though. She hoped she didn't have a cold. Meanwhile with Unohana, "HOW THE HELL IS YACHIRU PREGNANT?!" Kenpachi yelled after she finished. Yamamoto called a general meeting after hearing the results, and opened with, "Soul Reapers, the apocalypse is upon us..."

* * *

Unohana went directly to report the latest results of the physical she had taken to Yamamoto. She had no idea how this happened, and she didn't want to know. She whispered the news into Yamamoto's ear, and asked him what they should do. After a moment of shock, he screamed. "HOW THE HELL IS MAYURI PREGNANT?!" Yamamoto opened the general meeting with, "Before you ask, I have no idea how either..."


	3. 23 to 30

Chapter 3

Food began to rain from the sky! Everyone ran out to get some of the free delicacies that dropped onto the roofs and streets, with everything from sushi to cabbage rolls to bread, and everyone rejoiced as no one ever had to worry about going hungry again.

A television set near the button turned on, showing a scene that really should have remained private. Suffice to say that Yoruichi had decided to 'visit' Soifon for 'old times sake'...

The entire Gotei 13 was turned into whining babies. Every damn one of them. Somehow, Yachiru managed to take care of them all long enough for them to remember their past lives and reassert the government that had been in place. Fortunately, in the ten years that went by as they grew up to be old enough to even consider this, no one noticed that there were no Soul Reapers. Somehow. (Give me a break, I don't know. I just write this stuff.)

A door slid open and a strange, somewhat nauseating smell floated out from the room. Yachiru looked in and discovered to her great delight, a room full of rotting corpses that Kurotsuchi had been planning on experimenting but forgot about for a few years. Now she had a bunch of sleeping friends that she could draw on until they woke up! Or until she got bored and forgot about them. Whichever came first.

A door slid open and a strange, somewhat nauseating smell floated out from the room. Yachiru looked in and discovered to her great delight, a room full of caged, highly experimental mutated animals! Now she had her own petting zoo!

A naked man ran out of the lab, dancing the cancan and singing off-key. Sadly, no one in the 12th Division noticed, as stranger crap happens there all the time.

A magical leprechaun sprang out and offered to take Yachiru to the world of sunshine and fairy dust, to which she gladly agreed, especially after he gave her candy from the Easter bunny! The deranged midget dressed in a leprechaun costume for reasons not understood by rational, sane men then led Yachiru outside to the back alley were he tore her to pieces and roasted her over a spit for dinner. Never trust strangers with candy kids!

All around the area, epic and dramatic fight music went on between two combatants. They were equally matched, and they both knew it. But they had come to far to back down now! They each believed they had to defeat the other, as Ichigo and Renji stared each other down. They would win the tournament themselves! Ichigo made his move. "Pawn to E4!" he screamed, moving his piece forward. The rest of the Seireitei watched what must have been the most epic chess battle in history, silently wondering how the fuck Ichigo and Renji had made it to the finals in a chess tournament, and why they entered in the first place.


	4. Chapter 4

Urahara decided to take a look around the 12th Division to see how Mayuri has been handling the position since he left. These are his notes over the multiple universes.

What Does This Button Do?

Chapter 4

Trapdoor Special

a.k.a

The Chapter That Involves Yachiru Falling Down Long Pits to Her Fate.

(That means death.)

And so, a trapdoor opened beneath Yachiru. She fell down, down, and farther down still...

* * *

Yachiru continues to fall until she splatters on the cold, unforgiving bottom.

* * *

Yachiru creates an impact crater at the bottom, pulling herself out unharmed and then wondering how to get out. Mayuri happens to walk by and notices the open trapdoor, which he calmly closes after seeing who's inside. Yachiru starves to death.

* * *

Yachiru falls into the sewers. Monstrously huge rats bigger than her appear and eat her. Wait, Yachiru is eating the rats.

Never mind, turns out she's just playing with them.

Where did the teacups come from? And why are the rats speaking with a British accent?

* * *

Yachiru falls until she lands in the sewer and is dissolved by the toxic waste.

* * *

Yachiru drowns in the sewer.

* * *

Yachiru lands in the sewer and is found and saved by the 4th Division. Kenpachi finds her and mistakenly assumes that she is being kidnapped and kills the squad members.

Yachiru- Wait, is that Unohana? EVERYONE TAKE COVER, UNOHANA AND KENPACHI ARE ABOUT TO FIGHT! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

Yachiru did not run. She was obliterated in the following battle between motherly Unohana and the shaved gorilla- Kenpachi.

* * *

Yachiru falls into a pool of guacamole surrounded by mariachi bands. She goes insane from the endless music and kills everyone before eating them with delicious, delicious guacamole.

* * *

Yachiru discovers a tribe of people worshiping a sushi roll. She is sacrificed, and the tribe chants that they are sacrificing her to "Almighty gods of tasty raw fish."

* * *

Dear god, you don't want to know what happened to her this time. Let's just say she got introduced to the Internet, only the Internet is some kind of alternate dimension that can be traveled through physically. She never stood a chance when the memes appeared.

* * *

Where did the tentacles come from, why are they in the sewer, and why do they look like penises when they are clearly not human?

Oh. That's why. That is too gruesome for me to even consider writing.

And why is Mayuri standing there with a camera?

* * *

Yachiru falls into a pile of corpses and discarded experiments. She then begins to scream and goes through several lifetimes worth of trauma.

Gross, turns out she's just playing with the "meat-dolls that look like Kenny's friends after he plays with them."

And for some reason Mayuri is humping a corpse in the background.

* * *

Yachiru is impaled on a large spike, screaming painfully until she bleeds to death.

* * *

And after all of these Kenpachi runs around the Seireitei until he is reduced to destroying everything in his search for her. Except, of course, the take where he fights Unohana. Can't destroy what's already been destroyed.

* * *

AN: Sorry, I know it's been a while. School and AP classes. I hope you like this suitably gory October Update. If you like it, please review. If not, review with what you think is better. If you have an idea or theme, review and I will reply. And if you loved it, favorite the story and tell your friends! Wow, I'm really attention-whoring, aren't I? If it seems different, I'm trying something a bit different.


End file.
